An Interview with Death Piggy
Piggy songs of joy, and how to be "filled" with it (joy). Tales of woe and great triumph. A GIBBERING MASS of protoplasmic mush that doth spew forth, making your hair unmanagable. Some of our songs are some of your songs, but most of it is a load of shit. And you are great,
Please keep in mind that these songs have nothing to do with what we really think. Right?
Oddities atop oddities we try and understand
Commodities atop commodities
WE LOVE YOU FAT MAN
Standing in the aisle
Watch the fat man smile
Lying all the while
He is buying Dial
Products on T.V.
They are buying me
Eating all I see.....
I WILL EAT TV........
EVERYONE IS A DIRTBALL
Are you sitting?
Are you sitting?
Sit on dirtball
Ruth:When did you guys first start playing together?
Sean: Halloween... Halloween was the first show... last year.
Dave Br:Last year.
Dave Bender: '82
Dave Br: That's 19
Sean: It was about a month before Halloween.
Dave Bender: What did you dress as?
Russ: Original costumes.
Dave Br: I don't have anything to say about that.
Sean: Neither do I... no comment.
Ruth: How did you get together? Did you meet each other in school?
Russ: I'll tell this story.
Dave Br: Russ, why don't you tell this story?
Russ: Because it was all me.
Russ: I wanted a band and um...
Dave: And I got one.
Russ: I was looking for a band and since school had started I met Dave.
(Tommy begins playing guitar)
Dave Bender: Shut up Tom!
Russ: I guess it was the first of last year and we decided to be in a band.
Dave Br: And I wanted to make love to it.
Russ: We just figured it would be us two, because he could play guitar or bass and sing and I play guitar... we had another drummer but he turned out to be a Young Republican.
Dave:Not that we're against that.
Sean: I am, he was dumb!
Russ: They're people but they want money.
Dave Bender:They need money!
Dave:We love Young Republicans.
Dave Bender: The Young Republicans are sponsoring M.D.C.
Dave: That was the beginning.
Russ:That was the beginning of Death Piggy... the dawning of a new age
Sean: Tommy it's your turn to ask a question
Tommy:(Looks at T.V.-a musical variety show) What do think about Stevie Nicks?
Dave:I wanna fuck her.
Tommy:l do too, that's why I asked.
Dave:I wanna beat her up and then think about it... later... beat off while I think about it.
Sean:What's wrong Holly?
(Holly doesn't reply)(more laughter)
Sean:Oh,there's Pat Benetar..
Dave Bender:Yeah she wants something.
Dave:I wanna salivate on her...
Sean:I'll bet she'a pissed off about that... she's always pissed off about something.
Dave:Always talking about some guy who done her wrong.
Sean:Hit me with your...
Dave Bender: What have you been influenced by Russ?
Russ : Influenced?
Dave Bender: Uh huh.
Russ: I don't know about...
Sean: Musically,musically, Russ!
Russ:Well yeah,I mean musically...
Dave:Is that the word you're looking for- brainwashed?
Russ:I started playing things like the Beach Boys, rock 'n roll stuff.
Russ:...and I was...
Sean:A punk, a fucking punk.
Tommy: So then what band wagon do you plan on jumping on ln the future?
Dave:Whatever looks the most culturally viable.
Russ: Yeah,I'm in it for the money next time around.
Dave:This time around,HELL!
Russ: It's been a year, Dave.
Dave: We started out for love, then it was joy, now it'a money. We would never hate, though we could never say that.
Dave:We're only in it for the pizza.
Ruth:What do you write songs about?
Russ: Overweight people
Russ: Dave writes the songs about sex.
Dave: Pretty much all of the songs.
Ruth: Seriously what do you get out of getting onstage?
Tommy: Makes his dick hard.
Dave: A rush of power.
Ruth:What kind of impact do you want to have?
Sean: A bent sledgehammer.
Dave: We were staggering last night, we staggered around alot.
Ruth: What do you want people to think about when they see you?
Sean: we want them to go WHAT?
Dave: We want them to go "Love,love..." then we want them to buy us a beer.
Sean:Yeah! Buy us a beer. That's ok. But we're not alcoholics.
Russ: It can't solve your problems for you.
Tommy: Have y'all ever considered being Rastas?
Dave: I am a Rasta, I'm just cleverly disguised one.
Tommy: Would you bow down to a god named Ja?
Dave: What god do you bow down to Tom?
Tommy: Eddie Van Halen!
Sean: I wish I could grow dreadlocks.
Tommy: Come on guys, stop watching the fucking TV show and get down to the interview, I mean I'm here... Soundzine sent me here to keep order.
Dave Bender: Alright, we'll order another pizza!
(general laughing, belching)
Ruth: Do you have any social or political opinions that affect your music in any way or are you primarily motivated towards FUN FUN FUN?
Sean: Why does a band have to... I mean there's so many bands that spout off political ideals... and it's saturated what we hear, certainly in the hardcore scene, and it's just redundant as shit! I mean I think everyone in the band has political ideals, and ideals generally...
Dave: OK Russ you say something really smart.
Tommy: Yeah, c'mon Russ.
Russ: Well ask me a good question and I'll answer it.
Sean: What's your name?
Tommy: What do you think of MTV? I hear y'all are videotaping for it. You think you'll get on?
Russ: Sure, we're gonna be in the basement tape and I'm gonna be John...
Tommy: What do you think of terrible stuff like that being shown?
Dave: I wonder what color her skin really is? What color is her skin? Oh! -The pop top fell inside the can.
Dave Bender: Better not cut your lip!
Dave: I saw this on Emergency...
Tommy: Yeah, I saw that too!
Dave: He started drinking a beer...
Tommy: Yeah and he started choking...
Dave: He had a pop top caught in his throat.
Dave: What do you think of us Tom?
Tommy: I think that you guys are the tightest, most professional sounding band that I've ever listened to! (laughter) Studio musicians like you guys, hwat are you doing playing live? You could be making hundreds of dollars doing Pepsi commercials!
Sean: Hundreds?! Millions!!
Dave Bender: Tens of dollars. They got twenty five dollars the other night.
Dave: We could go the studio route but we wanna start out at the bottom and work our way up through the club scene. See the thing is, it's a great thing to play instruments as poorly as we do when we know how greatly we can play them. We're really putting one over on all of you. We're really satisfied with ourselves about it.
Russ: That's true!!
Imbedded in your hand
it took two years for me to get it that way
DON'T MESS IT UP
Dave Bender: what was that thing that somebody threw at you the other night?
Dave: There will be a major earthquake in California within 4 years.
Sean: Are we gonna play there? Dave: Well, before that.
Dave Bender: Somebody threw a bottle at y'all the other night.
Dave: It wasn't a bottle it was a...
Ruth: Do you enjoy having solid and semi-solid objects thrown at you onstage?
Dave: Well it's a sign of the times, three years ago it would have been...
Russ: People threw money at us last Sunday...
Dave Bender: Pennies.
Ruth: Do you think change is an important indication of public sentiment?
Dave: Well, I'm not talking about a change in public sentiment but a change in ammunition. Last night it was just a plastic cup filled with ice, I don't know, maybe if they had had beer bottles they would have thrown them. Those kids were such little Nazis!!
Ruth: In your opinion is the Richmond scene jaded?
Dave: Oh, well some of it is. There's always been room for change, progression. There is so much hardcore localism it's kinda silly in a lot of ways. I don't think that we've been totally accepted yet in a lot of ways because...
Sean: We don't want to be.
Tommy: You have to be around for at least 4 years.
Dave: Well there are a lot of barriers you have to break down, it's really weird, I wish people didn't have to deal with it on that kind of level.
Ruth: Where do you think you'll be 10 years from now?
Dave: A parking garage in Ecuador.
Sean: In ten years Dave and I will have died and Russ will still be eating granola, you vege.
Sean: ...and a guitar god.
Dave: I 'll be asleep in ten years.
Ruth: What's your favorite local band besides yourself?
(all at once)
Dave: Honor Role.
Dave Benders: What about Die Bishop?
Dave:No. Honor Role, everybody else stinks except for them.
Sean: Uh, Prevaricators?
Tom: No No No You can't say that. Doug Dobey will get mad because the Prevaricators get mentioned too much.
Tom: Do you believe in God?
Dave: Which one?
Tom: The Ja one.
Dave: Bob Hope is God.
Dave: I'd rather not deal with religious expressions right now.
Dave: We're planning next year to go to that big place in Brazil where they have that big statue way up above the harbor. We're going to play there, that will be out most important song.
Ruth: What song will you play?
Dave: Something about the Love Boat. Boy George? I want to get his lipstick all over my penis.
(uproar of laughter)
Tom (in ant voice): Well, Death Piggy as a concert. How would you describe it in 3 words or less. (Pause)
Dave: Do your laundry
Sean: Is it true that you want to live in a 711?
Dave: That'll be great. You could invite all your friends over and eat beer, and smoke food, and eat beer...
Sean: And play PAC MAN.
Tom: What do you think about girls with hair the color of menstrual blood?
Dave: I think they make good videos.
Ruth: What's the most important music being played?
Dave: German secret weapons. In two years they could have won the war.
Tom: Did you see Playboy with the body building chicks? Pretty tough.
Ruth: Do you think this band is a serious thing or just a hobby?
Ruth: What is your ultimate goal?
Sean: To make a lot of money.
Dave: To die onstage with a lot of jello behind me.
Sean: Can I have a beer?
Ruth: What are your hobbies?
Dave: Model airplanes, model airplane glue, beating off, beating off, beating off
Dave Bender: Man, you've gotta clean the shower every now and then
SCABS (a rhyme of passion)
Scabs on my dick because of you
When I beat off
I think about you
Scabs on my dick my darling true
I masturbate and think about you
IloveyouIloveyou and I'll be true...
But all I want from you is sex.
Tom: As a band do you think you're pretty non-sexist?
Russ: I am!
Sean: Well Russ, he's admired by the younger girls.
Tom: They say Russ, he's the best guitarist all the way to the end of the block..
Dave: They think about him and do things to themselves... with things.
Dave: Oh sex sex sex sex. Let's talk about food.
Tom: Tell us about your best experience in intercourse?
Dave: My friend heated up this can of stewed tomatoes.
Sean: One time he came over, put raisins and cream cheese on a burrito and ate it frozen. He's a fuckin' sicko and I'll never invite him over.
Dave: So I just come over.
Sean: I say " Don't get near the refrigerator!"
Dave: Unless there's something really bad in here that he wants to get rid of.
Tom: You know what's fun? Get some really swankie groupie over and cook eggs sunny side up and put them on her stomach... then get some hash browns... next question.
Dave Bender: Do an Arthur Treachers commercial now.
Dave: He is dead.
Ruth: I thought they were all closed
Dave: I don't know about you but when I see an Arthur Treachers, and I see his dead face, the last thing I wanna do is go in there and eat.
Russ: I want more questions.
Dave: I want more answers.
Dave Bender: What do you think of the pizza?
Tom: That's very relevant. Whenever I eat pizza I think of the pet pepperoni I used to have.
Dave: I think of my dick because it sort of looks like a pepperoni.
Tom: Let's talk about dicks.
Dave Bender: How long is your dick?
Dave: They are so funny looking.
Russ:: Let's hear the story about the time Dave put a finger up his butt.
Dave: I don't wanna tell that story it's too dirty.
Russ:He has a good story.
Dave: I was about nine.
Russ: Oh come on Dave you weren't nine.
Dave Bender: Dave did you ever put Russ's finger up your butt?
Dave: I was just sick and you know when you're nine and you're lying around all day with nothing to do (giggles) I don't know. I guess I was just kinda playing with my butt a little.
Russ: He slipped..
Dave: I guess I had dry butthole disease. That's the only time except for when you're wiping your butt and the paper rips. (laughs) You just go 'OH NO. you try and wash your hands but it's no good, not with shit (guffaws) or when you shit and it's really jot and you have to walk around like (funny face-big yuks) . Or when you have to come back and do it again just a teeny bit, like a candle dripping. (Ha-Ha) And you have to use about 20 sheets. Do you know anybody who really rips the paper along the perforated lines?? And when you get little peanuts in it?
Tom: Have you ever thought about turning yourself inside out and sticking your hand-
Dave: Well I do make sure that I look at my toilet paper after I wipe just to make sure that I'm done.
Tom: When I was learning how to play guitar without looking at the neck, well I had to do the same thing with toilet paper. But when I was learning I'd use up 4 or 5 rolls.
Russ: Filling up the bowls.
Dave: "Tommy, come out of there!"
Tom: So Russ, what are your feelings about shitting?
Russ: Myself, I'm too cool to do it.
Tom: Holly, what are your experiences with shitting.
Holly: Oh... I don't.
Sean: Shitting relieves a lot of pressure, so does the other thing...
Dave Bender: Spanking?
Dave: Jiz?? Why don't you just say it. Say it and talk about where it goes.
Sean: Somewhere else.
Dave: Who and where? What position?
Dave Bender: Can we watch?
Ruth: What should we say next?
Dave: Something about the popping and functioning of very large zits on my back.
Tom: How about when you just keep pushing and it keeps coming out in a little curly que and you wonder if in the Guiness Book of World Records there's a thing for the most pus out of some one's nose?
Dave: Popping zits so good you can hear them, having zits so bad you can smell them.
Tom: You need OXY TEN.
Dave: I'd like to shit everywhere, as long as I don't have to wipe.
Dave Bender: Are you a folder or a crinkler??
Dave: I'm a crinkler.
Sean: I'm a folder.
Dave: I crinkle it into a rose pattern.
Sean: That seems very inefficient. What happens when you wipe your ass and one area of a crinkler picks up more than another...
(interview cuts off abruptly)
FUN- UP & OUT
We are a band
Fun is painful I know, inflict no pain, Kate
No Hate (Don't worry, a little is understandable, Bob)
Spout no unprocessed theory, meaning
Is yours, find what you will, live comphy and
Know you are right, right in your mind
Where questions turn to dislike.
Click here for my own interview with Dave
Click here for some pictures from Death Rules The Fairway
Click here for a list of GWAR links